Just woke up from a dream in which a clown came to my door and asked if he and the other dozen clowns in my yard could please use my WiFi “for urgent clown business.”

Woke up before I could answer.

RT @bermanmatt
It’s hilarious that you’d have been better off investing in actual apes.

“Electric word, ‘life.’ It means forever and that's a mighty long time.” ~ Prince
“Life. Don’t talk to me about life.” ~ Marvin the Paranoid Android

C’mon, Nationals. Losing by 21 at home is a DC *football* move. Get your own thing.

It’s already horrible on its face, but somehow the phrase “on a without salary basis” makes it even worse.

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Attn @BullenRoss: We’ve reached the crossover point where all that’s left is for large state universities to charge adjuncts to teach.
RT @DrBrookeNewman
Is this a joke?? “The Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry at UCLA seeks applications for an Assistant Adjunct Professor on a without salary basis. Applicants must understand there will be no compensation for this position.” recruit.apo.ucla.edu/JPF04991

[walking into Target with sunglasses on and then immediately turning around]
My kid: “Where are you going?”
Me: “I left my glasses in the car.”
Kid: “🎶 I want my GLASSES! 🎶”
Me: “This is not my good profile!”
Total stranger, quietly: “Nobody can even see my profile.”

The business card scene from American Psycho but with NFTs

RT @PayGapApp
In this organisation, women's median hourly pay is 25.5% lower than men's. twitter.com/LancasterUni/statu

RT @FatesAndFuries
@christogrozev In Ukraine, territory captures you!

RT @NickPoole1
Bloody hell. Looking at a message from the Ukraine Library Association concerning the cancellation of their forthcoming conference. it basically says "We will reschedule just as soon as we have finished vanquishing our invaders". Ukrainian Librarians, I salute you

I am generally happy to accept cookies, but this is clearly a bait and switch.

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The Olympics.com website is overly optimistic about my feelings towards the type of cookies they’re talking about.

I wonder if the fox on the little boat who keeps selling me priceless art for 4,980 bells has the Isabella Stewart Gardner loot.

I had a dream where all the business card/restaurant reservation status-obsessed bros from American Psycho were sitting around comparing their NFTs and niche cryptocurrency holdings.

Most realistic and dystopian sleep vision I've ever had.

RT @rebeccawingo
It's embarrassing how many times I have to explain:
"Thank you for your patience. I responded to this email in my head, but see now that it did not occur in reality."

When the @officedepot in south Evanston, IL closed, they very helpfully put up a sign with the general location of the next closest store (top), the address of said store (bottom), and in the middle, a map showing the location of an Office Depot in Saint Cloud, Minnesota.

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