@Greg That just triggered a memory of me as a teenager sitting in the dark with headphones on during the wee hours of late night/early morning listening to the stereo--possibly Floyd, possibly the Doors--and scaring *the hell* out of my mom's boyfriend who had woken up, started groggily walking past, and then realized with a start there was some kind of human silently waiting in the pitch black.

Dan Scott boosted

@n8 @Firefox URL autocompletion took a huge step backwards too. Seems to rank recent > bookmarked. So the first matches for "cbc.ca" are long URLs to a specific story I've already read, rather than my bookmarked cbc.ca/news landing page.

@Greg You'll find I'm quite docile. At least on this subject (totally with you).

@claudiom omg I read that as Quaker: Arcane Dimensions and thought it was some amazing blend of pacifist religion and psychedelic mysticism built on the Quake engine

@petrichor I've resorted to removing all the key caps and cleaning them and the keyboard. Amazing how much grime can build up on the sides of the keys that air would never remove.

Moody 

@victoria "sane billing code" sounds like something an organisation might want from day one. Wow. I do not envy you. Hopefully they have a well documented understanding of what sane means to help you along.

You better be celebrated as a hero when you emerge victorious!

slack, newbie question 

@Greg yeah I try to avoid tying my work email address to anything. Even scholarly publications (not that I've been pumping those out of late).

Many of us learned a hard lesson when we went on strike in 2017 and the university cut off access to email, cloud storage, etc.

work gripe 

Why do I have to send this to management on an annual basis?

"Please just send calendar invites, rather than an initial email with tentative reservations. You can modify the calendar entries if the dates/times change, and it will update all of our calendars, instead of leading to us creating our own entries which then get out of sync."

Therapy 

First f2f (video) meeting with my therapist went well.

She had me walk through all the events of my past year and asked, if somebody else told you they had gone through all that, would you be surprised if they were depressed / angry / burning out / needed new coping tools?

Yeah, that's a very good point.

Also, good intro discussion about the logical mind and the emotional mind and the need to balance both in making decisions. I've been mostly suppressing the latter for...ever?

@victoria Thank you, so much.

The SSRI was the first med, long predating the ADHD diagnosis. Didn't know it could worsen ADHD when I dropped it; I just wanted to try to minimize the brain chemical cocktail. Totally agree with tackling the very real external factors.

Hugs right back

I'm incredibly privileged to even have the option of making a decision, and I feel guilt about that.

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Need to get back into therapy.

Need to start running again (I was at 50k/week before the university declared insolvency).

Unsure about whether to add the SSRI back in; suppressing the depression symptoms might be nice, but I also value anger that is valid and motivating.

What to do about work is the hardest part. Working with faculty and students is fulfilling, salary is good, but the mgmt environment is toxic. And I can't just shrug and mail it in. That's not me.

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So my doctor and I have been experimenting with my meds. Dropped the SSRI so have only been on a stimulant for over a month now. I started the SSRI for mild dysthymia but it appears to have masked the evolution of a major depression--almost all of which relates to my work environment. Several tiers of shitty management, with no support at the level closest to me.

I've been fighting so long, but I'm tired of fighting. So I need to figure out my next steps.

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