So my doctor and I have been experimenting with my meds. Dropped the SSRI so have only been on a stimulant for over a month now. I started the SSRI for mild dysthymia but it appears to have masked the evolution of a major depression--almost all of which relates to my work environment. Several tiers of shitty management, with no support at the level closest to me.

I've been fighting so long, but I'm tired of fighting. So I need to figure out my next steps.

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Need to get back into therapy.

Need to start running again (I was at 50k/week before the university declared insolvency).

Unsure about whether to add the SSRI back in; suppressing the depression symptoms might be nice, but I also value anger that is valid and motivating.

What to do about work is the hardest part. Working with faculty and students is fulfilling, salary is good, but the mgmt environment is toxic. And I can't just shrug and mail it in. That's not me.

I'm incredibly privileged to even have the option of making a decision, and I feel guilt about that.

@dbs I'm really sorry to hear you are going through all that Dan -- you have put in years of your life to make Laurentian work so it makes sense that the dysfunction above would be so debilitating. 👍 for getting those running shoes back on, and making sure to take the time off every day to be w/ loved ones.

@dbs & therapy (if you have a good one you like) & drugs (if they help) -- you deserve it man!

@dbs welcome back to the Fediverse. A few thoughts:

1. SSRIs are known to worsen ADHD. I've been there, it's awful. Depression can be caused by external factors. I would try to address those external factors before attempting a chemical solution.

2. Ignore all traces of survivor's guilt. Survivor's guilt is irrational. And frankly you owe nothing to that place.

3. *hugs*

@victoria Thank you, so much.

The SSRI was the first med, long predating the ADHD diagnosis. Didn't know it could worsen ADHD when I dropped it; I just wanted to try to minimize the brain chemical cocktail. Totally agree with tackling the very real external factors.

Hugs right back

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